As much as I’ve always wanted to be a super-hero, I will love myself better by remembering that I am not, in fact, super-human. That I’m actually powered by rest, food, oxygen; water, a clean & healthy environment, touch; movement and personal space to recharge. When I maintain those power sources, I am capable of extraordinary things because I have energy, strength, emotional balance, and mental clarity. I’ve learned the hard way that caffeine and adrenaline aren’t lasting power sources.

I started upgrading my self-care during the holidays with REST. Like, the stay in bed all day kinda rest. Like, the Netflix, nap and repeat kinda rest. Over the past two years I’ve been highly productive but also overworked, full of anxiety and totally depleted. My weekends? Gone. My 2hr bi-monthly manual MFR treatments? Gone. My sanity? Gone. What did stay consistent was my Pilates routine. Five days per week! That’s the glue that held me together; physically and mentally. That, plus journaling. But even that suffered. And when I’m not journaling, it’s usually because I’m avoiding the truth of my current emotional state.

I’m focusing on relationships that feel authentic and expansive. The kinda relationships where we can show up 100% ourselves and still feel loved. Fabulous or messy. Winning or losing. We lean in, listen, support and encourage each other through the best and worst of times. We know the backstories of each other’s lives. The ones that shape our opinions, beliefs, and choices. Compassion and understanding live here. We respect our differences, and have fun exchanging our own unique perspectives on just about any topic under the sun. Our relationship is uncensored but respectful, full of forgiveness (when needed) and love.

I know I wanna keep diversifying my income streams with in-studio and virtual Pilates, plus writing and speaking opportunities. But here’s the thing: whereas I’m usually really clear about my career vision, the pandemic has made my dreams a little blurry. I’m in limbo. Like, I know what I wanna be when I grow up and why. But I’m not so sure about the “how” anymore because the world has changed and so have I. Nevertheless, I trust the “how” will come as I keep leaning into curiosity and saying yes to unexpected opportunities despite the internal voices telling me I’m not “______ enough”.

Success, to me, starts with a strong self-identity; knowing who I am independent of familial, religious or societal expectations. It’s knowing my core values and maintaining integrity to them in any environment. Success is quieting all the mental chatter and being still enough to hear my intuition. And then make choices in alignment with it. It’s also being able to recognize how the consequences of my choices reflect my strengths and weaknesses. And using those experiences as a catalyst for personal growth.

I believe that authenticity is the foundation for everything. I’ve gotta feel comfortable in my own skin; knowing who I am, what I believe, and what I stand for. Plus what I want, need, and desire to feel successful and fulfilled. And those things shift because life lessons build wisdom, life circumstances show me the impact of choice, and relationships serve as mirrors. So it requires constant self-awareness. But without being grounded in my truth, I have no integrity or sense of direction. And as someone who was raised in a cult, with a value and belief system forced upon me, I know how disempowering that feels. Because I was raised in a high control religion, I believe