soaked in thought
To manifest my dreams means to actively define them, envision them and experience them on an emotional level before even achieving them. It’s defying the self-doubt and embracing an “I can” mentality knowing that I deserve whatever I can imagine. The hard part is accepting that “manifesting” is not achieved through instant gratification. And as badly as my 52yo ass wants to wriggle my nose for miracles to happen, I know I’ve gotta work for what I want.
An intangible gift that I like giving is best expressed by Maya Angelou, “people… will never forget the way you made them feel”. That resonates so deeply because, even through time and forgiveness, I still feel the sting of other people’s words or the weight of their behaviors and betrayals. And it’s taken so much effort to rebuild my self-esteem, dare to be vulnerable and to trust my intuition again. So it’s important to me that I’m really conscious about how I move through relationships and shared spaces.
An intangible gift I’d like to receive is CLARITY. I’m one of those multi-passionate, adventurous dreamers that’s experienced immense joy and fulfillment on many different paths. I’m a Gemini with a Sag rising after all. So I’m curious, passionate and adaptable AF.
That’s all fun and games when you’re in your early twenties and decide to ditch cult-life and leave your small hometown to become a professional dancer in NYC.
A behavior/mindset I’m quitting is my fierce independence. One of my biggest fears is to become a burden on anyone. Why should anyone else help carry the weight of what I can’t handle? Or help me solve a mess I probably created myself? Or be the sounding board for the stuff that keeps me awake with insomnia? I figure I’ve just gotta suck it up, get stronger, try harder and do better.
Independence became an absolute necessity when I abruptly left my insular cult-life to move to NYC at 23yo to pursue a prohibited dance career.
A life lesson I learned in 2022 is that “the hustle” is overrated while inner-peace is underrated. What’s important to me now is the quality of my life and the quantity of my joy. Financial success is a definite priority for me so that I can afford the lifestyle and experiences I want. But I’ve realized that if I’m so engaged in the pursuit of money that I don’t have time to experience my life, what’s the point?