The greatest gift I gave myself in 2022 was freedom from the hustle without labeling myself as “lazy”. The incessant need to churn out ideas & “pivot” my business while surrendering to a 2-year Covid lockdown and isolation left me feeling depleted. So in 2022, as the world opened up with possibility, I wasn’t in the mood to create new opportunities for myself. I needed to re-fill my cup and start reevaluating what I need in my life to truly feel fulfilled. 

My priorities included nurturing my Pilates practice, developing my teaching skills, and to, somehow, return to my first love – the arts.

In “NO”vember I’m saying “yes” to the kind of clarity that’ll inspire some new life decisions and motivate me to take action vs continuing to coast on auto-pilot like I have for most of 2022. It’s time to figure out which way I’d like to grow so I don’t remain stuck in status quo.

The previous two years – Covid lockdown – were dedicated to career “pivoting” and social isolation which fueled my anxiety and depleted me. I was exhausted from the mental and emotional stamina it required, without the balance of real human connection. Not to mention the ever-growing socio-political polarization and racial tension that compounded my stress.

In “NO”vember I’m saying “no” to feeling sorry for myself this holiday season. The last eight weeks of the year often feel like a balled up fist of loss and loneliness and a sucker punch to the chest. I have so many empty holiday memories because of growing up in a cult that celebrated nothing. Would-be cherished times and traditions with grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles were unfairly taken from me. My sister and I, the Lamb sisters, are truly the black sheep of the family. But at least we have each other.

In my career I’m saying “no” to working six days/week ever again. Or schlepping around the city between private homes, Pilates studios and Massage therapy offices to be as accommodating as possible to as many people as possible. Nope. Been there, done that. That’s a business model based in fear that left me so depleted and completely envious of clients as they snored comfortably on my massage table.

In my relationships I’m saying “no” to red flags. But, like, really this time! Yes, I’ll continue to listen with an open mind and trust with an open heart. But, from now on, I’ll for damn sure observe someone’s actions for their truth and trust my intuition. Someone’s “potential” ain’t enough for me anymore. I’m keeping a close eye on character, habits, behaviors and lifestyle. What they value. How they treat people. How they manage conflict or handle stress.

When I say “yes” but wanna say “no” I feel an instant pang of regret. I’ve failed myself by ignoring my needs and my intuition. It’s that all too familiar pattern from my childhood that I swore I’d never repeat. It stems from being raised in an environment where love felt conditional, which created this persistent fear of disappointing others and a constant need for approval. To be self-sacrificing was considered the “righteous” thing to do. Putting myself first was considered selfish. So, I’m a recovering people-pleaser.