In “NO”vember I’m saying “no” to feeling sorry for myself this holiday season. The last eight weeks of the year often feel like a balled up fist of loss and loneliness and a sucker punch to the chest. I have so many empty holiday memories because of growing up in a cult that celebrated nothing. Would-be cherished times and traditions with grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles were unfairly taken from me. My sister and I, the Lamb sisters, are truly the black sheep of the family. But at least we have each other.
After leaving my religion and moving to NYC, the loss was temporarily filled with traditions made with friends, boyfriends, my ex-husband and his family. But there are no more Friendsgivings, Secret Santas or potluck parties with dancing and shenanigans. While those were ridiculously fun times; marriages, divorces, babies, aging parents, deaths, big moves to new states and other grown folk shit have shifted everyone’s version of “holiday”. And so it’s time for me to stop wallowing in the past. The crazy thing is, I know for a fact that I’m not the only one experiencing various forms of grief during the holidays. But what I tend to focus on, courtesy of social media, are all the images of family. All I see is multiple generations of family seated around a dining table full of home-cooked family recipes prepared with love. Or families in matching PJs posing in front of a Christmas tree surrounded by bows, shredded wrapping paper and kids with big satisfied smiles. Or marriage proposals that ring in the New Year on bended knee and a champagne toast. *le sigh*
So, here’s to new traditions! I just have to figure out what they are. In the past they’ve included journaling, vision boarding, “Love Actually” and freshly baked cookies. Alone. But what I really need is connection. So I’m saying “no” to loneliness and “yes” to real connection.
7 Days of Soaked in Thought
S.I.T is an invitation to SIT with yourself – for a few minutes per day – to think your thoughts, feel your feels & express your emotions with a JOURNALING RITUAL. These 7 days are dedicated to “NO”vember; saying “no”, creating boundaries and honoring your needs. I’ll be posting daily journaling prompts as a source of inspiration for becoming #soakedinthought