In 6 months I want to feel more… INNER-PEACE. I’ve started cultivating this for myself already, but I definitely foresee the journey ahead. The last couple of years have stirred up so much anxiety that my insides are constantly vibrating with nervous energy. It’s the same kind of nerves I used to get when performing a solo aerial act in an Off-Broadway show. No biggie. Just the element of danger and five hundred pair of eyes – all on me – in the spotlight! Well, this perfectionist dreads the spotlight and my “inner-nuisance” knows it. And so she’d taunt me. She’d chatter incessantly about all the things I’d done wrong in rehearsals. And then she’d rewind past shows when “X” performed the exact same act, perfectly and effortlessly. The bitch would even threaten the possibility of making me forget the entire show! And then I’d be left dangling from my harness, above a bewildered audience, that was waiting to be wowed.
But when the act finally began, I was somehow transported into the present moment. Maybe because there was no time to think? Instead, I was connected to my intention, my body, my mind, my breath, the music, and the audience. In the midst of a performance I gave myself permission to sense, feel, and perceive. And then respond intuitively. Once I quieted the “inner-nuisance” and let myself be in the now, performing was both a visceral and euphoric experience. It was my inner-peace. And this is what I want for my life.
The tools that are helping me find that peace now are:
- weekends off – finally!
- more sleep
- regular Pilates lessons
- regular Spanish lessons
- long walks in the park (until it dropped to 18 degrees!)
- long FaceTime chats w/ my sister-friends
- finding community in other ex-cult members
- no 24hr news cycle
- no coffee (I literally can’t “stomach” the caffeine right now)
31 Days of Soaked in Thought
S.I.T is an invitation to SIT with yourself – for a few minutes per day – to think your thoughts, feel your feels & express your emotions with a JOURNALING RITUAL. For the entire month of Jan, I’ll be posting daily journaling prompts as a source of inspiration. Ring in the New Year by getting #soakedinthought