S.I.T. Day 8: Cult-raised Perfectionist

I’m leaving behind the limiting beliefs that “I am not __________ enough“. You could fill in the blank with damn near any adjective and I’ve probably said it to myself a gazillion times. Let’s just say, when you’re raised in a cult, you grow these oversized fears of making mistakes or not measuring up to ridiculous puritanical standards, lest you be shunned by your family and the only community you know. That threat is scary and real! There was this constant feeling that big brother was watching. And “he” was. The eyeballs of the entire congregation were constantly surveying me and scrutinizing my every choice; from how I dressed to the friends I chose (even within the religion). I was expected to maintain squeaky clean moral standards, be active in spiritual pursuits, and exude joy. I was even expected to forego higher education to pursue the full -time ministry. Yep, it was considered a waste of time since the world was about to end. And yet, here we are!

I left that religion almost 30yrs ago and eschewed any form of “group think” since. But the imprint that type of upbringing makes on your psyche is undeniable. I was raised to be a perfectionist full of self-doubt. I’ve had to develop this brazen audacity to live my life on my own terms, but under the constant narration that “I’m not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, creative enough, fit enough, pretty enough…” This year, I’m giving up that internal battle. I’ve already proven my worth to myself.

31 Days of Soaked in Thought

S.I.T is an invitation to SIT with yourself – for a few minutes per day – to think your thoughts, feel your feels & express your emotions with a JOURNALING RITUAL. For the entire month of Jan, I’ll be posting daily journaling prompts as a source of inspiration. Ring in the New Year by getting #soakedinthought