What depleted me the most in 2021 was NAVIGATING NEW TECH and TOO MUCH SCREEN TIME! When my 3-dimensional Pilates and massage therapy biz needed to survive this global pandemic; like many, I fled to the 2-dimensional territory of cyberspace. And because tech is not my “gift”, every day feels like a punch-the-screen, “WTF?” kind…

There’s this “strong Black woman” trope that hovers over me like an unmet expectation. Yes I am a strong, powerful, and resilient Black woman. I was even raised to project that image. But sometimes a sista gotta feel her feels and fall apart. I need the time and space to give into the tears, fears, and frustrations without pretending like I’ve got my sh*t together all the time. ‘Cause I don’t! I need a safe space for vulnerability, realness, and honesty. And for that, I treasure my sister-friends and my self-care rituals; deep and meaningful connections with a select few and my (higher)self. That’s where I got my support in 2021.

The best decision I made to protect my sanity was giving up the 24hr news cycle to live in a bubble of blissful ignorance. Sad but true. But I could no longer handle the onslaught of click-bait headlines and graphic imagery of violent racist attacks, repeated injustices in our criminal justice system, school shootings; Covid deaths, overwhelmed hospitals & healthcare workers, conspiracy theories; corporate greed, global warming and the global spread of political polarization. As a highly sensitive person, every headline felt like a personal attack on my soul. It tangled me into a a tight ball of chronic anxiety in ways I’ve never experienced before.

My most sobering moment in 2021 was watching my 17 year old Boston Terrier decline, and making the heart-wrenching decision to let her go on 12/13; peacefully and compassionately, at home and in my arms. And even though I knew I was doing the most loving thing for her, there was something about making that decision that felt completely unfair. I mean, who am I to decide her fate? But she was ready. We both knew she was ready. And so we cuddled endlessly, clinging to every moment together, until she fell asleep forever.

My most exhilarating experience in 2021 started with an N95 mask, a face shield, a cross-country flight and a bus ride across the Mexican border. My destination? Rancho La Puerta, where I was the Guest Pilates Instructor for 1 week. Yes, it was a work trip. But the Ranch always makes sure I’m blissfully cared for.

Something I learned about myself in 2021 is that, in some areas of my life, I still operate from a place of unhealthy fear. And when I operate from that space, I make unhealthy choices for myself. Ironically, FEAR is one of my greatest motivators. I’m an aerial artist that’s afraid of heights, for god’s sake!