Something I learned about myself in 2021 is that, in some areas of my life, I still operate from a place of unhealthy fear. And when I operate from that space, I make unhealthy choices for myself. Ironically, FEAR is one of my greatest motivators. I’m an aerial artist that’s afraid of heights, for god’s sake! I freaking thrive on feeling challenged, doin’ the damn thang, and then saying “Booyah!” when I git ‘er done.
But, here’s the thing: Fear works when coupled with strategy, discipline, patience, and persistence. And when you’ve got the energy afterwards to celebrate your wins, that’s success! But to rival fear without a clear and sustainable plan, only leads to overwhelm and exhaustion. At least that’s my experience. And if I’m left feeling physically, mentally and emotionally depleted; that’s not success to me. Even if I did achieve my goal.
One of my greatest fears is being financially broke; of suddenly losing everything and falling into oppressive debt. It’s happened before. The residual feelings of loss, failure, and shame are painfully unbearable and still live close to the surface of my consciousness. What I tend to forget, though, is my own resilience. How, through fear, I created a plan to eradicate my debt and succeeded. How, through fear, I strategically built and continue to grow a really successful and fulfilling Pilates business. And how, through fear, I’ve created a comfortable life for myself in my favorite NYC neighborhood.
But when the pandemic hit in March 2020, the unhealthy fear kicked in. I responded quickly and without a clear and sustainable plan. I simply did everything. And I did every thing, every day until I literally couldn’t get out of bed on Christmas 2021. My business didn’t fail. In fact it grew. And I’m still debt free, living in the same apartment in my favorite NYC neighborhood. But I am utterly and completely too spent to celebrate my “success”. In 2022, I choose to operate from healthy fear!
31 Days of Soaked In Thought
S.I.T is an invitation to SIT with yourself – for a few minutes per day – to think your thoughts, feel your feels & express your emotions with a JOURNALING RITUAL. For the entire month of Jan, I’ll be posting daily journaling prompts as a source of inspiration. Ring in the New Year by getting #soakedinthought