Dear Inner-Critic… you are a bold faced liar. I’ve proven you wrong time and time again and yet you persist. It’s as if you want me to fail, settle for mediocrity, and live a life that’s just “meh”. Not happening! The crazy thing is, the more you insist upon belittling me and telling me I’m “not ________ enough” the more rooted in my truth I become. I know my worth and I’ve got practice with self-advocacy. I’ve been fighting for myself since I was a kid who wanted nothing more than to live my life as authentically as possible and on my own terms. I had no real support but I had some serious conviction. Deep down inside, I knew that freedom and autonomy were my birthright.
Over time, I’ve realized that you’re nothing but the ventriloquist for white patriarchal society, the high control religion I grew up in, and even family members who wanted to mold me into their vision. There’ve also been teachers, bosses, colleagues and peers who’ve added volume and credibility to your voice which definitely hurt. But the pain isn’t permanent. I’ve learned to protect my energy and choose who I work and hang with wisely. And now that I’m a grown-ass woman with life experience, I already know when you’re gonna show up. Yep, you start whispering in my ear whenever things are going great. You wanna convince me that I’m not capable of sustaining anything worth keeping and that a bomb is about to drop at any moment. You want me to fear loss. Dude, I’ve lost a thousand times. But I eventually get back up, dust myself off and keep going. As long as I don’t lose myself is all that matters. Oh, you also like to show up whenever I have to make choices that might effect my career, finances or relationships. Yeah, you dig life transitions. They’re the perfect opportunity to fill me with self-doubt and lure me away from my intuition so I get stuck repeating the same unhealthy patterns. I see you!
Bottom line, I know you better than you know yourself. I can anticipate your every move. And I can choose to listen to you or drown you out with what I know to be true about myself and what I’m capable of. I choose the latter.