When I’m stressed or anxious I tend to struggle with sleepless nights; my mind stammering from one topic to the next. Nothing but incoherent babble interrupted by spontaneous bursts of creativity or insight that I scribble feverishly into my journal or the notes app of my iPhone. But when the wee hours hit & my eyelids refuse to get heavy, I binge-watch House Hunters International and fantasize about a new life under an entirely new identity.
Even during the day, my mind sounds like staccato notes on an untuned piano. Any legato is reserved for teaching Pilates which is a refuge from myself and my thoughts. Even those hopeful creative ideas that emerged during insomnia can’t seem to organize or produce themselves under my watch. They sit on the page, a disassembled mess waiting for this bout of anxiety to pass so I can get my sh*t together.
But until then, anxiety is… lingering under my eucalyptus sheets until the last moment possible. It’s dreaming with eyes wide open. It’s a Pilates lesson, long walks in the park or brunch with friends. It’s Netflix binges, tinga tacos & dark chocolate. It’s journaling followed by stillness and the scent of my favorite candle; hoping that tonight, anxiety will loosen its grip. Those are the things that bring me peace… in the meantime.