I Respond to Criticism About My Body By…

I respond to criticism about my body by internalizing it. I wish I had a more evolved way to deflect the sucker punches to my ego. But since I was a young dancer, I’ve absorbed people’s words and accompanying body language like a sponge as they commented on my thighs, my complexion or whether or not I could ever become a dancer – because of my body. That whole “sticks & stones” concept is false. Words hurt. And the pain of them lingers in my subconscious, no matter how many times I rattle off “I’m rubber, you’re glue!”.

I never let criticism discourage me from audaciously pursuing my dreams, though. I simply did it with their voices in my head. But I did became consumed with how I looked because, as a dancer, it’s admittedly about “tits and ass” as much as it is about talent. It’s an industry obsessed with aesthetics! So I was constantly trying to maintain 6-pack abs even if it meant hours of exercise on top of dance rehearsals and shows. And all on a diet of mostly protein. But since I’m happiest when in motion, the emotional burden far outweighed the physical one.

I’ve since transitioned to teaching Pilates full-time which is a profession that, ironically, promotes a “long, lean dancer’s body” and other slogans where “skinny” is the goal. It’s like living in a vacuum of vapidity. But I’m older now and I’m done with the rigid and restrictive lifestyle that “looking like a dancer” demanded of me. Yes, I want my former body back! My “dancer’s body”. It would be far easier to ignore the voices that have been living in my head since childhood. But they’re getting louder than ever now that I’m in my 50s and my 6-pack is long gone. Paradoxically, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been in my life; physically and emotionally.

S.I.T. With Yourself in April

This month’s #soakedinthought journaling prompts are dedicated to body confidence and fitness as a lifestyle. As we move into Spring and the fitness industry ramps up its messaging about getting “in shape” for Summer, I hope you’ll sit with yourself to figure out what your body, mind, and spirit need to feel healthy, fit, and happy – without all the external voices.