Something I’ve neglected this year is that I’m first and foremost an artist. Well, this has honestly been an ongoing dilemma since my performing career ended but it’s become worse post-Covid. I can’t seem to find my way back to my former self. It’s been a real struggle to integrate my old life with my new one. I still haven’t figured out how to exist in this second career as a self-employed, full-time Pilates teacher while still nurturing the artist and performer in me. There’s a void where my inner-artist used to feel comfort at a soul level. I desperately miss creative collaboration. And I miss the process of merging great minds and talent to tell stories within the heightened atmosphere of physical theater.
On an intellectual level, I know that inner-peace comes from being present and breathing through each moment with a sense of gratitude. Yada-Yada-Yada-OHM! My obnoxious brain, however, is constantly overanalyzing the past and overthinking the future. I’m a Gemini with a moon in Aquarius, damnit. All that “air” compels me to scrutinize, synthesize, and probe. While my spirit craves inner-peace, my mind loves to live in hypotheticals and “what if’s”. Sometimes it’s hard to catch my breath! And it’s even harder to sleep at night.
Personally, I want more social proximity and hugs, damnit! I want more intimate gatherings in cozy spaces with good conversations. More time in dimly lit lounges with a live DJ so I can “leave it on the dance floor” and exit a hot, sweaty mess. I want more Afro-Caribbean dance classes with live drummers and to wind my hips a bit differently in pole dance classes that transport me back to my days as an aerial artist. And then I wanna sit in a crowded Brooklyn coffee shop; banging out ideas on my laptop while the energy of other people’s creativity pulses around me. I want more opportunities to travel to Spanish-speaking countries to explore, meet new people, and continue improving my Spanish-speaking abilities. I miss all these strong energy zones fueled by dreams, inspiration, connection, and self-expression.