A behavior/mindset I’m quitting is my fierce independence. One of my biggest fears is to become a burden on anyone. Why should anyone else help carry the weight of what I can’t handle? Or help me solve a mess I probably created myself? Or be the sounding board for the stuff that keeps me awake with insomnia? I figure I’ve just gotta suck it up, get stronger, try harder and do better.
Independence became an absolute necessity when I abruptly left my insular cult-life to move to NYC at 23yo to pursue a prohibited dance career.
There’s this “strong Black woman” trope that hovers over me like an unmet expectation. Yes I am a strong, powerful, and resilient Black woman. I was even raised to project that image. But sometimes a sista gotta feel her feels and fall apart. I need the time and space to give into the tears, fears, and frustrations without pretending like I’ve got my sh*t together all the time. ‘Cause I don’t! I need a safe space for vulnerability, realness, and honesty. And for that, I treasure my sister-friends and my self-care rituals; deep and meaningful connections with a select few and my (higher)self. That’s where I got my support in 2021.