sit with yourself
As society becomes increasingly polarized on socio-politico-economic issues, I have to pause, breathe deeply and maybe disengage before allowing myself to react versus responding thoughtfully, if that’s what I choose. And even more so when I’m triggered and can feel my emotions churn heatedly inside my gut. Or as I hear the words sharpening in my mind ready to lash out into cyberspace, which has become the acceptable norm for “communication”. But I’ve seen and experienced that it accomplishes nothing; neither for me personally nor for the greater good.
After years of repeating this pattern, I’ve finally figured out why my dreams don’t hold my attention like they should. I subconsciously invest in low-stakes projects that I’ll most likely excel at. Such projects generally make me feel valued, productive and even “successful”; at least in the eyes of others. And if I do fail, at least it doesn’t destroy my ego because my ego isn’t fully invested in it.
To manifest my dreams means to actively define them, envision them and experience them on an emotional level before even achieving them. It’s defying the self-doubt and embracing an “I can” mentality knowing that I deserve whatever I can imagine. The hard part is accepting that “manifesting” is not achieved through instant gratification. And as badly as my 52yo ass wants to wriggle my nose for miracles to happen, I know I’ve gotta work for what I want.
An intangible gift that I like giving is best expressed by Maya Angelou, “people… will never forget the way you made them feel”. That resonates so deeply because, even through time and forgiveness, I still feel the sting of other people’s words or the weight of their behaviors and betrayals. And it’s taken so much effort to rebuild my self-esteem, dare to be vulnerable and to trust my intuition again. So it’s important to me that I’m really conscious about how I move through relationships and shared spaces.
An intangible gift I’d like to receive is CLARITY. I’m one of those multi-passionate, adventurous dreamers that’s experienced immense joy and fulfillment on many different paths. I’m a Gemini with a Sag rising after all. So I’m curious, passionate and adaptable AF.
That’s all fun and games when you’re in your early twenties and decide to ditch cult-life and leave your small hometown to become a professional dancer in NYC.