sit with yourself
I believe that authenticity is the foundation for everything. I’ve gotta feel comfortable in my own skin; knowing who I am, what I believe, and what I stand for. Plus what I want, need, and desire to feel successful and fulfilled. And those things shift because life lessons build wisdom, life circumstances show me the impact of choice, and relationships serve as mirrors. So it requires constant self-awareness. But without being grounded in my truth, I have no integrity or sense of direction. And as someone who was raised in a cult, with a value and belief system forced upon me, I know how disempowering that feels. Because I was raised in a high control religion, I believe
As soon as I hear the word “accomplish” I think of my career. How narrow minded! Because, inside I know, there’s so much more to life than building a successful career. So it forces me to ask myself, “How else am I spending my time?”. I don’t want my life to feel so linear. I want it to feel adventurous, exploratory, creative, and as spontaneous as my introverted self can handle. Most of all, I want to create rich experiences for myself. So, what do I wanna accomplish by 2023? I want to REGAIN MY FLUENCY IN SPANISH and return to Mexico for an extended period of time.
In 2022 I will do a much better job at supporting small businesses because the economic wealth gap in this country is terrifying to me. Call me naive but, I still wanna believe in the American Dream. I still want to believe that ownership and upward mobility can be possible for anyone with innovative ideas, vision and determination. But over the decades I’ve watched NYC, one of the most spectacular cities in the world, systematically devolve into Every City, USA. Once characterized by distinct boroughs with unique neighborhoods, New York has become overrun by big box stores, chain restaurants, banks, and CVS pharmacies. It’s losing its charm and character as small businesses and mom & pop shops can’t withstand NY’s exorbitant rents. Nor can they compete with the one-stop-shopping of, say, Target or the ease of doorstep delivery from Amazon Prime;
In 2022 I will connect with my INNER-CHILD whose been buried beneath extreme adulting. She’s itching to crawl out of her dark hiding space to get curious about the world again, explore her creativity, and discover new social hobbies. I miss “Keex”, the infinitely more fun, loquacious, and physically expressive version of myself. Right now I feel like a boring old fuddy-duddy. To me, reconnecting with my inner-child means temporarily detaching myself from expectations, responsibilities, and accomplishments. It’s about exploring the depths of my personality and the spectrum of possibility.
Never in a gazillion years did I ever think that this was #goals but… I’m going to make it a habit of going outside everyday. The pandemic shifted my life to the confines of my apartment where I teach Pilates – virtually. I take Pilates and Spanish lessons – virtually. And I get my arts and culture – virtually. And if I’m too lazy to go grocery shopping, it’s Seamless.com to the rescue! I only need to go outside on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I recently started renting space at a Pilates studio to teach a limited number of students. This is the polar opposite of my pre-pandemic life.
I will forever savor the power of choice and independent thinking that freed me from a life that felt small and inauthentic. And the depth of wisdom I’ve gained from ignored intuition, poor choices, and failed relationships. I’ll also savor friendships, old and new, that are based upon mutual love, compassion, truth, and respect. The friends who will pull me out of perpetual work-mode and force me into play-mode, only to remember “Oh yeah, I used to be fun!”. The friends who call me out when a sista needs to be checked, who listen when I need to be heard, and hold me up when I need to be supported.