In my relationships I’m saying “no” to red flags. But, like, really this time! Yes, I’ll continue to listen with an open mind and trust with an open heart. But, from now on, I’ll for damn sure observe someone’s actions for their truth and trust my intuition. Someone’s “potential” ain’t enough for me anymore. I’m keeping a close eye on character, habits, behaviors and lifestyle. What they value. How they treat people. How they manage conflict or handle stress.
When someone tells me “no” my first reaction is to get all up in my feelings. Yep, I feel disappointed, butt-hurt and wonder “How could they possibly say “no” to ME!?” And then I do the psychological dance in my head which looks like a technicolor play-by-play of our most recent interactions to understand what I could’ve done to elicit a “no”. It’s crazy how a simple “no” can feel like a personal attack that sends me spiraling.
I’m focusing on relationships that feel authentic and expansive. The kinda relationships where we can show up 100% ourselves and still feel loved. Fabulous or messy. Winning or losing. We lean in, listen, support and encourage each other through the best and worst of times. We know the backstories of each other’s lives. The ones that shape our opinions, beliefs, and choices. Compassion and understanding live here. We respect our differences, and have fun exchanging our own unique perspectives on just about any topic under the sun. Our relationship is uncensored but respectful, full of forgiveness (when needed) and love.
I will forever savor the power of choice and independent thinking that freed me from a life that felt small and inauthentic. And the depth of wisdom I’ve gained from ignored intuition, poor choices, and failed relationships. I’ll also savor friendships, old and new, that are based upon mutual love, compassion, truth, and respect. The friends who will pull me out of perpetual work-mode and force me into play-mode, only to remember “Oh yeah, I used to be fun!”. The friends who call me out when a sista needs to be checked, who listen when I need to be heard, and hold me up when I need to be supported.
I’m making my life easier by:
Managing my expectations about what’s humanly possible in a day, a week, a month, a year (and a lifetime).
I have undiagnosed Restless Mind Syndrome. Is that even a thing? All I know is that my mind is always buzzing with ideas that “deserve” my immediate attention. But they actually don’t. I’m not saying they’re not good ideas. They just don’t all have to happen – today! There’s something about being a big dreamer and facing Act 2 of my life that makes everything feel so imperative, though. So to avoid overwhelm, my new strategy is, slow the f**k down and actually implement a strategy for accomplishing my goals. Go figure!
I’m attracting people into my life who aren’t afraid to live outside the veil of their persona. They welcome relationships grounded in authenticity, vulnerability, and truth. My spirit absolutely swells during those “get to know you” kinda conversations where curiosity leads to communication, which leads to understanding and trust – a foundation for real friendship. As a highly sensitive introvert, I recoil at the sound of small-talk. But I come alive during conversations that challenge me to think deeper, experience different perspectives, or completely change my mind. I love spending time with people who are open to sharing their ideas, opinions, dreams, fears and failures. I mean, who doesn’t wanna feel seen, valued, heard and supported?