An intangible gift I’d like to receive is CLARITY. I’m one of those multi-passionate, adventurous dreamers that’s experienced immense joy and fulfillment on many different paths. I’m a Gemini with a Sag rising after all. So I’m curious, passionate and adaptable AF.
That’s all fun and games when you’re in your early twenties and decide to ditch cult-life and leave your small hometown to become a professional dancer in NYC.
Before the end of ‘22 I’d like to start learning Aerial Hoop aka Lyra. This new, artistic journey has been in my heart for years and on the calendar for weeks. It was supposed to begin today. I woke up at an ungodly hour for a Sunday and braved the NYC subway system which defied me with delays and re-routed trains. Typical weekend shit. I ended up arriving too late for them to admit me into class. Understood. So I spent the next hour commuting back to Brooklyn feeling defeated; to which I drowned my disappointment in gluten free banana pancakes smothered in strawberries and Vermont maple syrup.
My favorite Summer memory is every Summer spent in NYC to study dance. I was lucky enough to train at Dance Theater of Harlem, Alvin Ailey School of Dance, and Broadway Dance Center. This small-town girl had been fascinated with the NYC dance scene since the tv show “FAME!” debuted in 1982. I dreamed of attending the “Fame!” school (LaGuardia High) and performing full-on production numbers on cafeteria tables. But my Summers spent in sweaty dance studios full of grit, discipline, and determination sufficed. I absolutely loved spending every day fully immersed in dance culture.
In 2022 I will connect with my INNER-CHILD whose been buried beneath extreme adulting. She’s itching to crawl out of her dark hiding space to get curious about the world again, explore her creativity, and discover new social hobbies. I miss “Keex”, the infinitely more fun, loquacious, and physically expressive version of myself. Right now I feel like a boring old fuddy-duddy. To me, reconnecting with my inner-child means temporarily detaching myself from expectations, responsibilities, and accomplishments. It’s about exploring the depths of my personality and the spectrum of possibility.
Y’know what I want less of in my life? AGING! There, I said it. Oh, I want all fifty-one years of experience I’ve accumulated and the wisdom that comes from life lessons and the power of choice. And I ain’t givin’ up this feeling of sitting in my own skin, all comfy-lomfy; living boldly and audaciously with zero f**ks given. And I’ll never retreat to my former people-pleasing self, either. I’ma continue basking in all this vulnerability and authenticity; feelin’ like Maya Angelou “phenomenal woman, that’s me.”
What I want less of, though, is…