As soon as I hear the word “accomplish” I think of my career. How narrow minded! Because, inside I know, there’s so much more to life than building a successful career. So it forces me to ask myself, “How else am I spending my time?”. I don’t want my life to feel so linear. I want it to feel adventurous, exploratory, creative, and as spontaneous as my introverted self can handle. Most of all, I want to create rich experiences for myself. So, what do I wanna accomplish by 2023? I want to REGAIN MY FLUENCY IN SPANISH and return to Mexico for an extended period of time.
Never in a gazillion years did I ever think that this was #goals but… I’m going to make it a habit of going outside everyday. The pandemic shifted my life to the confines of my apartment where I teach Pilates – virtually. I take Pilates and Spanish lessons – virtually. And I get my arts and culture – virtually. And if I’m too lazy to go grocery shopping, it’s Seamless.com to the rescue! I only need to go outside on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I recently started renting space at a Pilates studio to teach a limited number of students. This is the polar opposite of my pre-pandemic life.
In 2022, my biggest priority is to nurture my mental health so I can live the fullest and most vibrant expression of myself. My inner-strength, inner-confidence, & inner-peace are non-negotiable at this point. They’ll no longer sit on the back burner while I give every ounce of my soul to my career with a mix of relentless ambition and fear-based survival mode. F**kcovid and f**k past experiences that have molded me into the work robot that I am. I see you and rebuke you! I’ll also avoid toxic relationships or conversations that weigh heavily on my spirit and fill me with anxiety.
A birds-eye view of my life would indicate that I only care about work and Pilates. And I just so happen to teach Pilates for a living, so my life appears to be rather monotone and unbalanced. It is. Thank god I love teaching, studying, and practicing the Method! But my other interests got squeezed out by Covid shutdowns, my relentless work schedule, and – the real culprit – anxiety. Once my personal and professional life became confined to my NYC apartment, my spirit simply shut down and I went into survival mode. So in 2022 I plan to pursue some of my former passions, because I know I deserve to live more than just this abbreviated version of myself.
In 6 months I want to feel more… INNER-PEACE. I’ve started cultivating this for myself already, but I definitely foresee the journey ahead. The last couple of years have stirred up so much anxiety that my insides are constantly vibrating with nervous energy. It’s the same kinda nerves I used to get when performing a solo aerial act in an Off-Broadway show. No biggie. Just the element of danger and five hundred pair of eyes – all on me – in the spotlight! This perfectionist dreads the spotlight and my “inner-nuisance” knows it. And so she’d taunt me.
Y’know what I want less of in my life? AGING! There, I said it. Oh, I want all fifty-one years of experience I’ve accumulated and the wisdom that comes from life lessons and the power of choice. And I ain’t givin’ up this feeling of sitting in my own skin, all comfy-lomfy; living boldly and audaciously with zero f**ks given. And I’ll never retreat to my former people-pleasing self, either. I’ma continue basking in all this vulnerability and authenticity; feelin’ like Maya Angelou “phenomenal woman, that’s me.”
What I want less of, though, is…