just say no
When someone tells me “no” my first reaction is to get all up in my feelings. Yep, I feel disappointed, butt-hurt and wonder “How could they possibly say “no” to ME!?” And then I do the psychological dance in my head which looks like a technicolor play-by-play of our most recent interactions to understand what I could’ve done to elicit a “no”. It’s crazy how a simple “no” can feel like a personal attack that sends me spiraling.
I wouldn’t say it it’s easy to say “no” but it’s definitely getting easier. After decades of people-pleasing I’m finally less concerned about disappointing others than I am about disappointing myself. The heavy feelings of resentment and regret are no longer worth saying “yes” to things that aren’t in alignment with my spirit. But I was raised to put everyone else first. My religion taught me that the very definition of JOY is “Jehovah. Others. You”. In that order! I was coerced into believing that my wants, needs, goals and desires were selfish.