journaling

An intangible gift I’d like to receive is…

An intangible gift I’d like to receive is CLARITY. I’m one of those multi-passionate, adventurous dreamers that’s experienced immense joy and fulfillment on many different paths. I’m a Gemini with a Sag rising after all. So I’m curious, passionate and adaptable AF. 

That’s all fun and games when you’re in your early twenties and decide to ditch cult-life and leave your small hometown to become a professional dancer in NYC.

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A behavior/mindset I’m quitting is…

A behavior/mindset I’m quitting is my fierce independence. One of my biggest fears is to become a burden on anyone. Why should anyone else help carry the weight of what I can’t handle? Or help me solve a mess I probably created myself? Or be the sounding board for the stuff that keeps me awake with insomnia? I figure I’ve just gotta suck it up, get stronger, try harder and do better. 

Independence became an absolute necessity when I abruptly left my insular cult-life to move to NYC at 23yo to pursue a prohibited dance career.

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A life lesson I learned in 2022 is…

A life lesson I learned in 2022 is that “the hustle” is overrated while inner-peace is underrated. What’s important to me now is the quality of my life and the quantity of my joy. Financial success is a definite priority for me so that I can afford the lifestyle and experiences I want. But I’ve realized that if I’m so engaged in the pursuit of money that I don’t have time to experience my life, what’s the point? 

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The greatest gift I gave myself in 2022 was…

The greatest gift I gave myself in 2022 was freedom from the hustle without labeling myself as “lazy”. The incessant need to churn out ideas & “pivot” my business while surrendering to a 2-year Covid lockdown and isolation left me feeling depleted. So in 2022, as the world opened up with possibility, I wasn’t in the mood to create new opportunities for myself. I needed to re-fill my cup and start reevaluating what I need in my life to truly feel fulfilled. 

My priorities included nurturing my Pilates practice, developing my teaching skills, and to, somehow, return to my first love – the arts.

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In “NO”vember, I’m saying “yes” to…

In “NO”vember I’m saying “yes” to the kind of clarity that’ll inspire some new life decisions and motivate me to take action vs continuing to coast on auto-pilot like I have for most of 2022. It’s time to figure out which way I’d like to grow so I don’t remain stuck in status quo.

The previous two years – Covid lockdown – were dedicated to career “pivoting” and social isolation which fueled my anxiety and depleted me. I was exhausted from the mental and emotional stamina it required, without the balance of real human connection. Not to mention the ever-growing socio-political polarization and racial tension that compounded my stress.

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In “NO”vember I’m saying “no” to…

In “NO”vember I’m saying “no” to feeling sorry for myself this holiday season. The last eight weeks of the year often feel like a balled up fist of loss and loneliness and a sucker punch to the chest. I have so many empty holiday memories because of growing up in a cult that celebrated nothing. Would-be cherished times and traditions with grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles were unfairly taken from me. My sister and I, the Lamb sisters, are truly the black sheep of the family. But at least we have each other.

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