Before the end of ‘22 I’d like to start learning Aerial Hoop aka Lyra. This new, artistic journey has been in my heart for years and on the calendar for weeks. It was supposed to begin today. I woke up at an ungodly hour for a Sunday and braved the NYC subway system which defied me with delays and re-routed trains. Typical weekend shit. I ended up arriving too late for them to admit me into class. Understood. So I spent the next hour commuting back to Brooklyn feeling defeated; to which I drowned my disappointment in gluten free banana pancakes smothered in strawberries and Vermont maple syrup.
If I were to attend Summer school I’d study acting. Yep, ever since the days of “Fame!”, “Cosby Show” and “A Different World” I’ve secretly (or maybe not so secretly) wanted to become an actor. But because there were so few Black folks in TV & film, it didn’t seem like a dream worth fighting for. And back in the day, I always thought there were prettier and more talented Black girls out there. So I never pursued it. But I’ve always been intrigued by character development, storytelling, and artistic collaboration.
In 2022 I will connect with my INNER-CHILD whose been buried beneath extreme adulting. She’s itching to crawl out of her dark hiding space to get curious about the world again, explore her creativity, and discover new social hobbies. I miss “Keex”, the infinitely more fun, loquacious, and physically expressive version of myself. Right now I feel like a boring old fuddy-duddy. To me, reconnecting with my inner-child means temporarily detaching myself from expectations, responsibilities, and accomplishments. It’s about exploring the depths of my personality and the spectrum of possibility.
Y’know what I want less of in my life? AGING! There, I said it. Oh, I want all fifty-one years of experience I’ve accumulated and the wisdom that comes from life lessons and the power of choice. And I ain’t givin’ up this feeling of sitting in my own skin, all comfy-lomfy; living boldly and audaciously with zero f**ks given. And I’ll never retreat to my former people-pleasing self, either. I’ma continue basking in all this vulnerability and authenticity; feelin’ like Maya Angelou “phenomenal woman, that’s me.”
What I want less of, though, is…